I know it’s just the beginning of August, but I crave fall. My favorite season seems that much farther away since we moved deeper south. Still, I can sense a change in the air, a shortening of days; the casting of shadows lengthens, and the morning feels a bit cooler (well, maybe that’s just wishful thinking). The boys and I are already reading Halloween books; I’m thinking of spicy breads and beverages, and in the morning I add an extra dash of cinnamon to our oatmeal. I’m soooo ready for the coziness of autumn!
I’ve been reading oodles of personal development books lately. I just finished Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis. I think this must be the first time I’ve read this style of a book. Much of what she talked about resonated with me, especially overcoming difficult childhoods, sobriety, and getting up and moving on. She gives a harrowing account of what it took for her to get where she is now, but out of the many things she talked about it was overcoming “no” that spoke to me and this season of my life.
I’ve also been reading Brene Brown any chance I get. Whether it’s on a podcast, TedTalk, or library loan, I want to absorb everything she has to teach about being vulnerable and belonging. Right now I have Braving the Wilderness on my Libby for Overdrive app. Don’t you just love the library?
This book is hitting me in the gut with it’s absolute truth about belonging. I have struggled with this throughout my life, I remember feeling like I didn’t belong well before my parents divorced when I was 9 years old. It’s been a difficult road, and I still have moments when I’m talking with someone, or when I’m in a large group, that I wonder what I’m doing there and if they will see that “thing” I know is there that makes me shameful and unlovable…a fraud.
Now, this isn’t to say I feel this way all the time. I spent 14 years in therapy to get past much of that bullshit, but I have my moments, still, where I need to beat those demons back under the door. I just don’t have the time to entertain that way of thinking anymore. It also leads to nowhere good and it takes too much time to get back out of the funk it leaves behind. So, when I start to hear those lies, I quickly start to counter with listing all the fantastic things that make me who I am and that make me lovable, interesting, and worthy.
I’ve been working on a pocket scarf for someone back in Knoxville. I’m using Cestari Sheep and Wool yarn from the Monticello Collection. I love this yarn so much, it’s a lovely cotton and linen blend. My favorite color so far is Jefferson Sky, seen here in the project photo.
The pattern is called Camote Pocket Scarf from Fairmont Fibers and is designed for a worsted weight yarn. I’ve substituted with a DK weight yarn, and yes, I even swatched, which rarely happens. Given my history of failed pattern modifications, this should hopefully work out. Wish me luck!
If all goes well, it will look something similar to this: